What if there is nothing to fear?

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What if there is nothing to fear?  What if we made it all up? What if we consider the possibility that our judgments about how things “should be” is really what causes us pain?  What if we can end our suffering right now by simply making a choice?  What if we choose to let go of judgments about “what should have been” and just accept what was.  What if “what was” is exactly the way “it” needed to be for reasons we may never understand.  What if “it” just was and there are no reasons?

Either way where is the logic in wishing ‘it’ was different?

“There is nothing to fear.  How safe the world will look to me when I can see it!  It will not look anything like what I imagine I see now.  Everyone and everything I see will lean toward me to bless me.  I will recognize in everyone my dearest Friend.  What could there be to fear in a world that I have forgiven, and that has forgiven me?” Course In Miracles.

We can get to this place of peace in our lives if we choose to.

At some point we must be tired of the pain.  We must be tired of the suffering.  We must be tired of holding on to “what should have been”.  We can decide to move forward.

We don’t have to trust someone else to forgive them.  We only need trust ourselves.

1.  Let go of our expectations about how it ‘should be’.

2.  Accept that person exactly as they are.

3.  Let go of past judgments about what they should have been for us, or should have done for us, or should in the future be for us, in order to accept them.

If we do this, then they can no longer disappoint us.

If we are disappointed, then we should look within ourselves and ask “why did I put that expectation on them”.  Our ego will resist this line of reason for the ego is unreasonable.  It will claim “I hired them to do a job, so they must perform.  It is not reasonable to think there will be no expectation placed on them.”

Is that really true?  If we hire someone to do a job and they do not perform then we hire someone else.  Or we may tell that person what the expectation is and give them a chance to meet it.

The difference here is that we do not get ATTACHED to their performance.

We are detached.  We decide if they perform or if they do not perform, we will choose to be happy.  We will trust in our ability to hire someone new.  We will trust in our ability to move forward.  We do this all the time do we not?  This is how life flows.  Why not choose to embrace this process and be happy?  Is it not true that when we are displeased eventually we make a change or we coerce the other person into making a change?

We can use logic to be happy.

Logic is I will change.  Or they will change.  Or we will both change. Or neither will change enough.  In all these scenarios can we agree this will happen?  If we know this will happen then why not choose to be happy as the process unfolds?  The process will happen. One of these outcomes will happen.  So why not be happy?

Happiness is letting go of fear.  Faith is trust in the process based on our past experience.  

What if our past experience has taught us that things do not work out.  Well our perception is what did not work out.  Our perception was in error and that is why we suffer.  The error is why we lack faith.  The solution is to correct the error.

Go back to that situation and ask yourself some questions.

1.  Am I willing to let go of my expectations of how I thought this event should go?

2.  Am I wiling to accept that person or event was how it was meant to be.  Or if it could have been different, then it would have, and it was not.

3.  Am I willing to let go of my past judgments about how it should have been or they should have been?

If we can correct our thinking then we can develop faith.  

Things were then as they were.  We CAN accept them as they were.  We can not change them.  We can not change what happened.  So it could not be any other way.  Therefore, things were in perfect order.

It is our ego that has created chaos.  It is this chaos which causes us to suffer.  

We can start with simple things in our life.  As we practice these principles with small things, then we will develop a new way of thinking and reacting.  We will learn a new habit.  We will rewire our brain (that is the science behind changing state).   Then we will develop new brain pathways to help us see things differently.  The old pathways are still there, so it will be easy to relapse into old thinking.   So we must be mindful at all times to guard against this old thought pattern.  We will develop new thought patterns.  If we are dedicated, and willing, our thinking will radically change.  We can apply our new thinking to larger events in our life that in the past were harder to let go of.

This is the practical how it works.  This is the neuro science behind why it works.  This is the reason and logic of how to see things through a different scope.  We can always go back to our old way.  We will suffer.  That is our choice.  We can also choose happiness.

“Ever tried.  Ever failed.  No matter.  Try agan.  Fail agan.  Fail better.” Samuel Beckett.

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Categories: accountability, change, conflict, conflict resolution, empowerment, enilghtenment, goal setting, happiness, health, hope, loose weight, parenting, spiritual development, spirituality, trust | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “What if there is nothing to fear?

  1. Leah

    why am i not surprised you sent this to me? of course i’ve been struggling with this lately. You make it sound easy but it’s really hard for me to let go of my expectations of all the people in my life…

    • Leah:

      Start with something small. Like an expectation that a student will perform as you expect. Become detached from the result of their learning and decide if they learn or do not learn that you are happy because you know you grew as a teacher. Then start to scale up this process to more and more challenging events in your life. The hardest place to apply this will be with a mate and core family ~ It’s like a workout – you have to build up to lifting those heavy weights. You are amazing and whatever you set your mind to, you have been able to achieve. You are one of the most emotionally stable people I know and you mull things over until you find a creative solution. I’m sure you will find a creative solution to whatever is causing you imbalance now.

      • Leah

        Thank you for this. I know I need to apply this to my partner/family/friends who I have the highest expectations of. It’s hard to do this because I hold them to the same expectations I hold myself to. It’s especially difficult living far away because it’s hard to make connections and easy to be disappointed when people don’t keep in contact or simply disappear from my life. I know I’ve got let it go but it will take so much work!

      • When we ‘slow down’ we have more time to process, to feel and to think. Other people are off ‘being busy’ and may seem inconsiderate. I have had ‘busy’ times in my life when I was too busy to notice my own selfish behavior. Perhaps we stay busy to avoid those uncomfortable feelings. Perhaps many derive their sense of self worth from their ‘stress’ and from their ‘busy’. That in no way reflects they do not love us. It only reflects they focused elsewhere. It is a gift to learn to ‘slow down’ and have a sense of self worth from a state of ‘being’ vs a state of ‘doing’. This is an art and is developed through mindful attention to the present moment. You may say I am here, I will enjoy this snow flake falling outside my window, I am here I will enjoy the tree, I will pay attention to my breathing. I will bring my mind to now. Not focus on what they should do, what they missed, how they did not connect with me. I will focus on where I am, how I can connect and what I can be present for. I can see this as a challenge. Others may not be able to do this. But I am here. I am doing it. Perhaps this is my journey. Perhaps this is part of the fabric that will be weaved into the meaning of my life. I may not understand it all. I understand that I want to be happy. What can I do right now to be presently happy in this moment?

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