We all suffer from some form of multiple personality disorder. The face we show the world. The face we think the world sees. The face we want the world to see. The face we want to hide from the world. The face we want to hide from ourselves. These are many of the ‘personalities’ we live with on a daily basis and we wonder why we are tired.
How do we know if we are out of alignment? How do we authenticate our true self? How do we know when we’ve healed and therefore integrated the different aspects of our personality?
If the reaction we get from others on a consistent basis is not what we expect, then we are out of alignment.
The key here is to look for themes. Do you think you have a valuable message but keep getting rejected? Then you are out of alignment. Do you think you are just a nice person trying to help and no one wants your help? Ditto. Do you think you are just a task-orientated person and no one appreciates you? Misaligned. Do you think you are a great worker but you have a string of jobs on your resume? See the themes in your life yet? Do you think you are easy to deal with but everyone looks tired the minute you walk into the room? Do you think you are positive and yet there is negativity all around you? It can also go the opposite way. Do you think you are the victim, but others see you as strong? Do you think are stupid, but others see how smart you are? Do you walk around saying you can’t all the while doing it anyway?
Pick ONE thing you notice and write it down.
This is easy to do for others. Oh Xander thinks he’s so calm, but what a hot head. Jeff thinks he’s humble but what an ego that guys has. Pat thinks he is such a hard worker, but he makes golf look like hard work. Peter always says he hates drama, what a joke that guy has a traveling circus following him around. Now try the harder stuff. Focus on you!
What is one thing you think others would say about you?
People used to say all the time “Larina you are so intense”. I used to defensively think I’m not intense they are just shallow. I really believed this ‘story’. I had no interest in seeing their point of view. Yet there were many times in my life where my ‘intensity’ created backlash for me. I’ve learned to turn my intensity into a profession by owning it. I have also learned, now that I am aware of it, how to modulate it. How to keep it in balance. How to be aware this is how I show up for others and to be aware when my intensity impacts others.
When I was unaware, there were hurt feelings and misunderstandings all around. By being aware and creating balance it has become one of my greatest attributes. This intensity has allowed me to travel into aspects of the human mind and gain understanding on the deepest level because patient zero was self.
How can we seek to understand others when we do not understand ourselves? We will just project our incorrect thinking onto them. We must first seek to understand our own errors before we can forgive the errors we think we perceive in others.
You can stop reading and just chew on this last statement. Think about it all day. Ask yourself is this person really this way or is this just how I think I perceive them? Am I willing to look at them differently?
My husband and I recently had a perfect experiment to test this theory. We were in a situation where he and another person had to listen to me answer questions. During breaks my husband had a list of things he think I could have said more effectively. The other observer did not agree. When it was my husband’s turn I did the same thing. I had notes about things he should address. The observer did not agree. What we both gleaned from that experience is that we are EXTREMELY HARSH CRITICS OF ONE ANOTHER. What is really true here?
We are extremely harsh critics of ourselves and we PROJECT THAT ONTO EACH OTHER.
Our unhealed self showed up in that room. It judged the other person. It created a story. It misperceived. The correction is to identify the error “I judge myself too harshly”.
So I made a mental note in my communication with my husband to be gentle. I also asked him to be gentle with me. It is interesting. It was a part of my personality that I was blind to and probably would not have owned had someone else pointed it out. I can imagine the same would hold true for my husband.
Am I willing to change what I think I perceive? Maybe my perception is skewed. Maybe I am not in alignment with how I think I show up. Maybe I have wonderful qualities I’m embarrassed to own and some glaring defects I defend without realizing it?
Projections are grounded in fear. The absence of fear is love. To release fear we must be willing to shed light on the ‘darker’ side of our personality. This is also referred to as our “shadow shelf”. Fear lives in the shadows. Love lives in the light. Love is a universal language absent from misinterpretation.
“Reflections are seen in light… In darkness they are obscure, and their meaning seems to lie only in shifting interpretations… Could you but realize for a single instant the power of healing that the reflection of light, shining in you, can bring to all the world….? …The light within you is not obscure and will not change. All bring their different problems to its healing light, and all their problems find healing there.”