“What matters to you is not necessarily what you say or believe, but what your actions and reactions reveal as important and serious to you. So you may want to ask yourself the question: What are things that upset and disturb me? If small things have the power to disturb you, then who you think you are is exactly that: small. That will be your unconscious belief.”
“…If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace. If peace mattered to you more than anything else and if you truly knew yourself to be spirit rather than a little me, you would remain nonreactive and absolutely alert when confronted with challenging people or situations…..”
“…The more limited, the more narrowly egoic the view of yourself, the more you will see, focus on, and react to the egoic limitations, the unconsciousness in others. Their “faults” or what you perceive as their faults become to you their identity. This means you will see only the ego in them and thus strengthen the ego in yourself….. “
“Very unconscious people experience their own ego through its reflection in others. When you realize that what you react to in others is also in you (and sometimes only in you), you begin to become aware of your own ego. At that stage, you may also realize that you were doing to others what you thought others were doing to you. You cease seeing yourself as a victim.” Eckart Tolle, A New Earth
What is the solution? Train your mind.
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” Course In Miracles.
Today whenever you start to react repeat the above until it becomes a mantra to yourself. Then ask “what is most important to me”? If the answer is peace then train your mind to return to a state of peace. You may say “If I value peace more than anything. What shift in my perception will allow me to be at peace”?
You will have to change your story. It looks like this: “That driver is such a jerk and just cut me off”. Nothing real can be threatened. Did that driver really cut “me” off? Is this about me? Does it bring me peace to make their unconsciousness about me? Have I ever been that “jerk”? Have I ever spaced out and inconvenienced someone else? Did that have anything to do with “them”?
If I wanted to be at peace and value that above all else what new thought could I hold? My story “that driver is such a jerk” brings me irritation. So why not make up a new ‘story’ that brings me peace. Neither are probably true. So which will I believe is true for me?
In my 20’s I worked as a waitress in a restaurant that became a bar at night with little food and lot’s of drinking. I appreciated the money but not the scene and correctly recognized it as a temporary means to reach a bigger goal; paying my way through college. There was another server there that was in his 50’s. He used to “target” me. He would elbow me at the line, push me out of the way, make a beeline for the bar to get his order ahead of mine and take my orders.
At first I was oblivious and didn’t notice what he was doing. So he started to become increasingly aggressive to the point he pushed me down one day. I defended myself and he lost his job. The reason I did not ‘notice’ him is because I gave what he was doing no meaning. I did not see him as “targeting” me. I just figured he did this to everyone. I was too focused on my goals to be distracted by his childish games. What a powerful lesson at such a young age. I wish I could say I carried that into my adulthood, but somewhere along the way I forgot this lesson.
I started to take others actions personally and internalize them. I made it about ME again and I suffered. Now I’m returning back to those old lessons of understanding that if someone “targets” us it’s only because we are in their way. They need or want something, usually from a place of pain and fear, and they may see us an obstacle to their relief. See they are just stuck in a story. If they didn’t see themselves as ‘little’ they would not be stuck in such a small script.
“If I hold this grievance the light of the world will be hidden from me…” Course In Miracles
ALL PREDATORS are small minded. They focus on their target(s) from the shadows. They attempt to ‘terrorize’ them. They hide behind others to do their dirty work because they lack courage. They do not believe in themselves. They lie, cheat and steal because they need to feel they have a competitive edge. If they had any courage or maturity they would believe in the honor and power of a ‘clean’ fight. They would not be afraid of failure and would understand it’s an important process in the maturation process. Even world terrorists go hide or commit suicide when they think they will be caught. They reveal their inner selves. Usually whimpering little boys that beg for mercy and believe they were the victim~ How ironic these predators see themselves as the victim. So if I see myself as the victim what does that say about me? Perhaps I am also the predator?
Is any of this really true? Perhaps… not? The point is maybe it’s all just a make believe story. So if we are going to make it up then why not make up some material that brings us peace and allows us to live in joy.
“Let me remember love is happiness, and nothing else brings joy. And so I chose to entertain no substitutes for love” Course In Miracles.