My friend has to make a tough choice. One I know he’s struggled with for some time. At some point in life we learn that sometimes two options are as equally tough.
Some good advice I was given was to ‘live’ in my decision for 90 days. To act as if I had already made the decision. Then at the end of 90 days it may be clear to me if that was the course of action to pursue. At the time I was 21 and unsure about a relationship. As I got older those tough decisions only got tougher. Should I dump toxins in my 3 year old that I know will harm her to possibly save her life or should I trust my intuition based on medical probabilities that she does not need the toxin? If I am “wrong” she will die! I caved into my fear because the price of being “wrong” was too high a risk. They gave her toxins. She did not need them. So I mindfully focused on building up her system. I celebrated her life. I let go of my guilt.
Sometimes the “right” decision feels really “wrong”. I’ve witnessed some really tough things in regards to children and how they are treated. It’s obvious the parents are lost, overwhelmed and confused but also too prideful to ask for help. They see any suggestions as “interference” and so they suffer, their children suffer and the family keeps getting sicker. It’s hard to witness. Saying something would just alienate them and they would not appreciate the input. Saying nothing keeps the peace and at least gives them a ‘living example’ of how things could be different. These are tough choices.
I have put “right” and “wrong” in quotes because we learn these words just keep us stuck. What if there is no “right” or “wrong” in the sense that we considered all we could and now we must act one way or the other. Sometimes we get so caught up on “right” and “wrong” we forget what is most important.
What is the highest interest of my highest self in this decision? Am I strong enough to live up to that answer? My highest interest may be to walk away and deep down I know this. However, I’m just not ready. Then what must I do? Be HONEST. I can then say my highest interest is to walk out, everyday I am going to build up my strength and confidence to leave, to make preparations to leave. It is ok to stay for today. I do not need to feel guilty or bad because that will just make me more fearful and keep me stuck for longer.
Then one day I will step into my power and walk out! The reverse is “I hate this”. I am in so much pain I just want to BOLT. Deep down I feel the best thing is to stay and work through this issue as hard is it is. That is what is in the best interest of my highest self. So my mantra is more like this. Larina you can bolt. It’s ok to have those feelings and that option is always there. However, for today stay and work through this. Look for the personal growth in choosing to stay. Look for ways that you can evolve. Stick with this for 90 days and then reevaluate.
We had to put our dog to sleep. We did not know when we should do that. We extended his life with medication. He was like a puppy. When we started the treatment they gave him 6 months. We decided up front the minute we saw his quality of life diminish then it was time. We enjoyed our last year with him. We noticed he would whimper to get up. We understood in the wild the older dogs would have put him down. We chose for our family to follow the laws of nature. It felt wrong to “kill”. It felt “right” to end his suffering. It felt wrong and it felt right. We still have mixed emotions about the process.
Then we come to an important lesson. Sometimes we have mixed emotions. We go with what we think is the best option. It may or may not be. We realize that we can grow either way. We realize that we can help others with our story either way. Sometimes the path is not clear.
We must think of our highest self. If we felt we made a mistake, we can forgive ourselves. Did we do the best we thought we could at the time? Our perception may change and we may see things differently. We do not use our own personal growth as a weapon to go back and beat up our old self! That makes no logical sense.
Instead we can enjoy the progress we have made. We can enjoy that our perception has been elevated. It may take time to feel good about a choice. Or we may be wise to accept that it was a choice and good feelings may not come. These are the advanced lessons of emotional and spiritual maturity.
May the light of love surround you today if you have to make a tough choice. Look for how this choice can elevate your highest self. Maybe it’s an act of selflessness but you feel selfish for making it. Maybe it’s an act of love but you have to say no and disappointment someone. Maybe you need to find the courage to leave or the faith to stay and see this through.
Think not of others or what they will think. They will judge you no matter what. Think of what will serve your highest good. Think of what will serve their highest good. Know that either way you will grow if you chose to.