What if we believed we were an angel (for this blog the definition meaning a joyful state within us all)? What if we thought in every moment “I’m an angel”, what would an angel do in this situation? Would we be more kind? Would we be quicker to forgive? Would we recognize that if someone is lashing out it is a cry for help and not an attack? Would we practice kindness to those who are unkind?
Someone may have told us at one time that we were less than angelic. Is it possible they forgot they were an angel and that is why they said those things? If someone believes in their value then would it be possible for them to tell us we had no value? When someone sees the worst in us, refuses to forgive us, acts devoid of love and compassion it is probable they have lost touch with who they really are.
If we believe in who we are, that we are enough, that we have value, that we are loved, that we matter, that we are significant, then we drop the need to “prove” who we really are.
It is our humanity that forgets who we are. It is the humanity of others that projects their assessments all over us. We do not have to own their assessments. We do not have to counterattack and make them wrong when they assess all over us. We can simply recognize that we are enough. They may have forgotten they are enough. Their assessments about us are really a reflection of who they are and not a reflection of who we are.
My dear friend told me a story about how the elders handle teens that act out. They do not punish the child. Instead they all circle around the child and share what great value they believe the child has. They believe the child has simply forgotten how wonderful they are. If the child remembered who they are (an angel) then they would not desire to act out this way.
So often in my own coaching I thought it was my job to point out the other persons defects. I justified this by saying it was done out of love and concern to help them see what they were missing. I thought the hammer was a necessary tool. Perhaps it is for some. For me it is no longer a necessary tool. Instead I focus on what the person is doing well. What their great qualities are. If they point out one of their defects then I simply ask what would it look like if your reaction was different. There is no assessment or judgment about who they are or what they do because that is not what angels do. We are not judges and jurors. I am no longer qualified to be the juror or judge of another nor am I interested in having someone be the juror and judge lording over me.
This morning someone was very disruptive in our group. They started assessing all over the place. This created a reaction for many of us. My thought was this person must feel disconnected from the group. If he felt he belonged, if he felt safe, then he would not show up this way. The Course teaches us an attack is really just a cry for help. It screams “please notice me. Please remind me that I’m an angel. I matter. I have value. I am enough. “
Too bad we couldn’t invite him in our circle and share all the wonderful qualities we see in him. What would his reaction have been if we all responded this way? At my own work I have a goal of sharing as many compliments towards others daily as possible. I have included compliments in our culture as a way to help us all remember the qualities we like in each other.
It’s so easy to be negative. We just go unconscious and there it is. What takes effort is staying present and being mindful. What takes effort is to remember the angel in ourselves so we can honor the angel in others. Is that not really the issue? That we have a hard time seeing ourselves as angels. That we beat ourselves up. That we live in fear. That we do all of these things because on some level we are afraid to love ourselves. To tell ourselves “I am enough. I am lovable. I am an angel.” If we did this positive self talk and we lived in this state it would be easy for us to see the value in others.
What if the next time someone lashes out we remember that we are enough. What if we remember that we can practice love and tolerance. Why not? We know what the alternative result will be because that is what we’ve been doing and where has that gotten us?
Today remember that you are an angel. You matter. You have value. You are enough. What if you act from this place all week? Take a mental note of how your week turns out. Take a note of your reactions. If someone rubs you the wrong way instead of getting upset, simply think “I am enough. They are enough and they must have forgotten that or else they would not be behaving this way.”
From my heart to all of you I express that you are an angel and that you are enough. I am an angel and I am enough. If I observe you acting in less than an angelic way I will say to you “you are an angel”. If you see me acting in less than an angelic way than I invite you to tell me “you are an angel”. I can imagine if we did that instead of pointing out each others defects our world may look a bit different.