Monthly Archives: September 2014

Being? What do you do with it?

What am I without a cause to champion, a fight to win or an idea to build?  If I didn’t ‘do’ what would I ‘be’?  What am I if I am no longer attached to labels like ‘partner, spouse, parent, owner, producer, provider….’?

If I believe I am ‘wealth’, and I lose all my money then who am I?  A failure?  If I believe I am a good parent because my kids are ‘good’ and a reflection of me, then who am I if they start taking drugs, get in trouble or fail by my measuring stick?

What measuring stick do I use to say ‘I am a good person.  I am doing well.  If I accomplish this, then I will be happy’?

What happens if I get everything I want and find out I’m not happy?  Does my ego say ‘I want more’?  When I get ‘more’ don’t I just become even more fearful?  Do I live in fear that I may lose it all.  Do I live in fear that ‘it’ is never enough?

What if I ‘lose it all’ and it appears on the front page of the business section of the Gainesville Sun?  What if I publicly ‘fail’ by others measuring stick?  What if some people make it their stated mission to bring me down, to make me suffer, to hunt me down to the ends of the earth?

Spiritual evolution happens… At least it did for me because I allowed it to.

“That is to say, their inner purpose would emerge only as their outer purpose collapsed and the shell of the ego would begin to crack open.” – Eckhart Tolle,  The Power of Now.

In our society, ‘failure’ is often considered ‘terrible, bad, humiliating’.  Athletes, champions, scientists and those with evolved consciousness understand that failure leads to strength.  There is strength training that requires total failure in order to receive maximum results.  Many discoveries are made through repeated failure which spawns creativity and leads to breakthroughs; just not where they were expected. So why is failure considered bad and old age useless and an honest and humble life meaningless?

“Because…. the emphasis shifts from doing to Being, and our civilization, which is lost in doing, knows nothing of Being.  It asks: Being?  What do you do with it?” – Eckhart Tolle

When you fear something real or imagined and that fear walks into your life as a reality….  When you are afraid of a sick child, and get one.  When you are afraid of being a ‘failure’ and become one.  When you are afraid of your health failing and your body ts down.  When these fears materialize and you understand that you are ok then true power emerges.

“Thus, destruction or disruption of outer purpose can lead to finding your inner purpose and subsequently the arising of a deeper outer purpose that is aligned with the inner.  What is lost on the level of form is gained on the level of essence… When you have had a direct experience of the unstable nature of all forms, you will likely never overvalue form again and thus lose yourself by blindly pursuing it or attaching yourself to it. – Eckhart Tolle.

I am not my things, my roles, my measuring stick or the measuring stick of others.  My happiness is not contingent on those outside things.  There is freedom in failure.  Losing it ‘all’ means I have nothing to fear.

I love my sick child.  I appreciate what I have.  I am open to a new world I never expected.  I stop wishing that things were different.  I accept what is.  I build a new life.  One that is free from broken metrics that never brought me joy anyway.

I embrace what is.  There is joy.  There is freedom.  There is real power.  Much of which is only possible because of love. Love for my children.  Love from my family.  Love from

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Mind; Playground or Prison?


The dark brooding thoughts sometimes take hold over the light positive ones.  Demanding, delusional, destructive, deep, depressive and disconnected is where the dark mind can dwell.  Positive, playful, powerful, present and patient dwell in the light.  Or do they?

Sometimes going to those dark corners is welcomed.

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” – Og Mandino

In the darkness we are sometimes lost, but do we have to be?  Sometimes my negative thoughts live in the dark recesses of my mind and hover over my spirit like dark clouds.  I smile but feel numb inside.  I laugh without joy.  I cry with deep sadness or worse feel nothing as I sleep walk through life.  What is powerful during these times is the realization that I don’t have to ‘do’.  If I believe this a normal cycle of my emotional state, a sort of lunar eclipse, then I can sit quietly in the darkness.  When I am able to do this, it passes more quickly and ironically the darkness begins to wax and wane rather than grow and consume me.

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein lies content.” – Hellen Keller.

It is when I fight this darkness.  Believe there is something wrong with me for feeling this way that the darkness begins to feed upon itself and grow.  When I feed the darkness with negative thoughts it begins to pull me into its empty embrace.  Here I feel alone.  Isolated.  Unworthy.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” Carl Jung.

I don’t dread the darkness anymore.  For me it represents a time to rest.  A time to reflect.  A time to appreciate the stars.  Those bright lights that come into focus in my life; my children, close friends, the smile of a stranger.  I believe it’s the negativity I associate with the darkness that creates those things which I fear most; depression, disconnection and self destruction.

I no longer fear the dark as much.  I used to always be in motion in hopes my “shadows” would never catch me…  They were always there.  The faster I ran, the larger they became and they haunted me.  Now I am aware my shadow is a part of who I am.  It is there.  It does not have to mean something is ‘wrong’ with me.  It is just a reflection of one aspect of my potential.  There is much to learn in that recess when I am no longer afraid to sit quietly and learn from what it has to offer.  I do not have to feed it negativity and allow it destructive power in my life.  Instead, I can observe it as one would their own shadow and maybe even play with it like a child who notices their hands shadow against the wall can make animals.

My mind can be my playground instead of my prison.


Categories: accountability, change, changing our thoughts, conflict, conflict resolution, empowerment, enilghtenment, goal setting, gratitude, happiness, hope, Joy, mental chatter, parenting, Peace, Serenity, spiritual development, spirituality, trust | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friendship & Our Tribe


Feeling deeply connected to my American Indian roots I am most happy out in nature and barefoot. My children are being raised in a nature based environment and they love to fish, camp, make fires, craft tools, creek walk and eat wild game.  Even our middle child the quintessential debutant extraordinaire; as long as it’s not ‘to disgusting or dirty’ will partake in the adventures of wildlife.

The funny thing about nature is it often illuminates humans primitive nature.  In nature, there are strong connections within members of the same ‘ tribe’.  Some tribes may mingle peacefully and even benefit from one another.  However, the core tribe always sticks together.

For all our advancements, I’m not sure humans are much different.  There are those people we instantly feel connected to and love to be around.  It’s easy.  They may make us laugh or we may feel at home in their presence without ever having to do or say much.  If we are fortunate, this is true in our family.  Often times this is not the case and we may feel like an alien around our ‘biologicals’.

No matter how hard we, or they, may try, if they are not members of our tribe the relationship will be forced.  There may be times we even really like the person, but on that deep primitive level we just don’t have the same ‘connection’ to them.

What is interesting is this question “do I ignore those relationships that are easy?  Do I focus too much energy on those encounters that are negative or with people that I don’t really connect with?” How often in an attempt to be liked, understood, accepted or to get a job done, do we force ourselves into a role that does not match our core self?

What would it look like if I didn’t put much energy into forced relationships.  Instead what if I truly invested most of my energy and focus on members of my own tribe.  Those relationships that I lean on when in pain or deep need, those people that warm my heart to be around or just the thought of them brings joy.

What if I started to accept that members outside my tribe have value in my life, but I don’t have to force myself into a role to accommodate them?  This means dropping shallow relationships, people pleasing and seeking out the approval of others.

We don’t have to reject others outside our tribe nor do we have to go out of our way to find common ground.  We can simply be who we are and allow them to be who they are.  We don’t have to understand them, change them, make them wrong or be bewildered by them.  We can drop all those conditions and just ‘let them be’.  What would that look like in our life?

Friendships take effort.  My challenge is to put more effort into those friendships that are easy and flow naturally.  The ones I really enjoy but am ‘too busy to really enjoy’!  That is my challenge for this month.  I’ve been so happy these past few weeks because I’ve focused on my friendships and not so much on my ‘roles’.

Categories: accountability, change, conflict, conflict resolution, empowerment, enilghtenment, goal setting, gratitude, health, hope, insanity, Joy, Lose Weight, mental chatter, parenting, Peace, Serenity, spiritual development, spirituality, trust | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at