There is ‘that moment’. We can feel it happening. We realize it’s about to happen. We feel it welling up inside. That moment right before our reaction goes “BOOM”. That moment right before we rode that bucking bronco called life, and we hung on as long as we could, and now we are about to eat dirt.
I wrote a blog today about our inner child. The short version is that our inner child, our vulnerable self, might be the source of our greatest strength. We may think it has to be hidden in order to be protected. We get our feelings hurt and would never admit it because our thinking mind tells us that would be silly. So we shut down, or clam up or lash out and often times we may not even realize the connection. Like the bad day at work and we come home grumpy.
What if our inner child is our inner guide and has a profound sense of knowing about what is real and true for us? What if our our inner child, our vulnerability is our greatest asset and yet we keep it hidden? Then we hit puberty and the obnoxious teenager emerges. As a little child we may say “hey that hurt” and allow ourselves to cry. As a teenager we may say “F*ck You that didn’t hurt and you will never be able to hurt me”. Our inner teenager is like an older sibling that believes it has to protect our inner child. But what if that teenager full of fear, masked by anger, is what keeps us from recognizing our greatest asset; our vulnerability?
In the blog, I went on to talk about our own children. That if we begin to understand ourself, then perhaps we can be better guides to our own children. We don’t have to shame ourselves, or our own children. We can hug them when they lash out and push us away. We can empathize with them. We can remember a time when we engaged in the same behavior and help them defuse that reactionary behavior.
It was a great blog! Then my oldest, for the one thousand, one hundred millionth-billionth time touched my “Fucbleep Godbleep, motherfubleep, unfucbleeping” computer and DELETE! Blog gone.
It was THAT MOMENT. I saw it about to happen. My inner teenager aka my inner alien was about to come out and devour my young. To which her inner alien would have been activated full of defenses (complete with eye rolls and snarled looks).
Then I remembered the blog. What a great concept but right now…. Breathe deep mama, breathe deep. Then I remembered this coo-coo-clock my grandparents had that every hour a little bird would come out and chirp. I would climb on the table every time and try to grab the bird. I would be scolded and told it’s an antique and don’t ever do that to which I would agree. Then I would do it again because I wanted that bird.
So rather than devour my young and ask that question “WHY” I decided to share my own story about not listening. I decided to empathize and share that I get it. We bonded. She feels close to me because she believes that I understand her. How can I understand her without taking my own journey into understanding me? We talked about our feelings. Our teenagers didn’t have to come…. This time. It was “THAT MOMENT” and it was wonderful.
Thought for the day:
My inner child is my greatest power source. When my teenager comes out, I can let them know I trust myself and don’t need to be protected. I can admit to myself that my feelings are hurt. There is no need to lash out, to blame, to attack or to get revenge. I can just sit with my hurt feelings. They will pass. Yes, it’s inconvenient to have to start over when my work is erased. What if this inconvenient experience is here to help me grow as a person? How will we ever realize our greatness if we are not stretched in new ways? How can we know what we are capable of if we are not pushed to dig deep?