Went to Bikram Yoga today. 100 minutes of yoga at 100 degrees. People ask “why did you do that”? Jumped out of an airplane and people said “why jump out of a perfectly good airplane”? Swam with sharks in the Philippines. Tried rattlesnake for the first time. When I was younger my idea of fun was the Breakers in Palm Beach, crisco for suntans, lemon juice for blond hair and sneaking a pack of smokes (perhaps other things too). Now I prefer tent camping in the mountains, a good french press, and farm grown food (DORK)! What changes over time that twists and turns our lives into something better, different or into a life we no longer recognize?
My life has taken many turns and with high variance! “To Thine Own Self Be True” has been my compass. I have misread the path a few times and willfully taken a ‘short cut’. I have also had wonderful experiences as a result of those roads untravelled. Some detours I enjoyed immensely, while others were extremely painful.
I look back and wish I had learned Spanish, taken pottery and played the guitar! They are on the ‘list’. The Appalachian Trail and Tibet beckon me. I’ve struggled with the ‘yo yo’ of the scale most of my adult life and ironically when I only had 12% body fat I had the least amount of self confidence.
I spent most of life wanting to be ‘there’. Ironically I’m nowhere close to ‘there’ externally at this point and yet I appreciate ‘here’ more than ever. What was lost has been found. Yet everything I spent half my life building up has been stripped down. As a mother, the more I grow, the more I wish I knew now what I didn’t know then. I could write an entire book about the lessons my children have taught me. They are the greatest source of joy in our lives. I believe all children are, if we create space for their radiance in our lives. They remind us what matters. If I can’t explain it to my children, then I simply don’t do it!
I have, once again, found my sense of humor. I was numb for a few years; as life has a way of doing to us all, at times. I can laugh at my own mistakes and I’m no longer afraid to make them. There are people that I don’t like and I no longer attempt to get their approval. There are people that I love that I no longer expect too much from. There are mean spirited people in the world and it’s not my job to change them. Yet, I still have the courage to remove a stick from a man who beats his horse. I have a voice and knowing that means I see the need to use it less frequently.
If you are lost, then open your eyes. Peer into your actions and reactions and start asking “what is all this about”? The answers may be scary but they will lead to a path of joy if that is what we seek.
Joy is a state of being and I can be in that state anytime I chose. What will you choose in this moment?