I am stuck on what to write, as I often am. For me, to write is to gain clarity. Sometimes when I’m unclear about what to write, I just begin. This is the key to many things in my life. To just begin. It may not be the path I remain upon, but it’s forward progress.
To let go of control and to be vulnerable is often a stretch for me. Writing is a way to open up that space within. To share experiences openly is a courageous undertaking. We may be judged. We may be misperceived. These things do not matter.
In a world fixated on the external, is it not freeing to take a moment, and give up care of the thoughts of others?
I struggle often. There is little ease in higher level learning. The lessons can be painful when I am stuck in old repetitive thought patterns. The discomfort is high when old insecurities are triggered and self doubt emerges. It can be scary. It can limit my belief in what is possible.
My obsession used to be concerned with how to stop feeling discomfort. I thought I was my emotions and my thoughts. My focus has shifted. I accept these old thought patterns and feelings may be ever present, but now I recognize a choice in where to focus my energy.
Do we sink into these old feelings and stay stuck, or do we open space to look at things in a new way? These thoughts and feelings will pass. What is most interesting is how much will we torment ourselves by holding onto thoughts that cause great suffering and no longer serve a joyful purpose in our life?
I am often tripped up when I perceive the actions of another as unkind. It triggers much within me. I am learning to step out of self, and step back, to look at what may be driving their thoughts and actions. Even if they ‘attack’ (which The Course reminds us is really a cry for help), perhaps it is not personal. If it is not personal, then there is no need to dwell on “what did we do?”.
This makes it possible to consider empathy for their actions, even when they are directed in an unkind way towards us. So what if they want to prove they are right. To let them be right means we are freed to drop our need to defend. If they believe they are right, and we are wrong, what difference does it make anyway? If we look inward, and choose to grow, then outside influences are just meaningless static as we move forward in our own journey of enlightenment.
It is not easy. We may struggle. Breakthroughs and breakdowns have been a part of the process. Does it matter how many times we breakdown along the way? Is it possible if we just keep going, that will dictate our progress and how much we grow? And each breakdown do we learn something new?
What if most breakdowns are often the result of a lack of maintenance? Is it often true things break down when they are neglected? Is it also true things wear down and must be replaced no matter how good we maintain them?
What does my maintenance plan look like? Do I create space for things that will prevent breakdowns and open space for breakthroughs?
What do I need right now? Maybe I don’t know. Maybe I just need to try something and begin. Now is a good time!