Fill In The Blank

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I am powerless over them, it, that, this, and those. If I have total power over my choices and how I choose to react to them, it, that, this and those – then what will I choose?

My ‘story’ as my dear friend put it is “interwoven into the fabric of my being”.

If true, then how am I going to react now to my ‘story’ that has been my life to this point?

Do I continue to play the roles others assign to me (pretty, ugly, nice, horrible, amazing, joyful….fill in the blank) or do I decide in each moment how I choose to show up?

Perhaps my script was authored by another as a child (perhaps not). Perhaps there is no script. Perhaps I wrote it before I came? These are personal questions only we can answer for ourselves. (So fill in the blank).

If I choose to believe I now have total creative control to become any character I’d like – who would I create for me to play? (Fill in the blank).

Terrified, exhausted, bitter, anxious (fill in the blank)…..

or would I choose to be, become, and live in the intent that:

I am joy. I am love. I am creative.

Therefore, I may also choose to believe:

You are joy. You are love. You are creative.

Remember what it feels like to feel connected? To feel loved? To live in joy? To have a sense of peace?

If you don’t remember, it is possible. Some of us have this joy, some of the time, or most of the time, even after our child dies, we are abused, we lose limbs, suffer major health issues or suffer from a tragic loss (fill in the blank of your pain).

Most of us have some deep pain. Some have found peace. So your story is never the worst or the hardest. So joy is not just for others it can be for you!

By all means collect data and ask people about their life story. People you think you know, may shock you, when they reveal their story….

Many will make up a bullshit story for sound bytes to appear confident or go the other insecure route and just devolve into the victim that all conversations and life revolve around their sad story and how hard their life is – so you can’t possibly understand. I’ve been both the bullshitter and the victim. Neither brought joy into my life.

Usually the most colorful stories, can come from the most joyful people, when they make a choice to live with intent or seek consciousness or accept God or choose to awaken (again fill in the blank).

They can be found in all religions and in no religion. My favorite Catholic priest. A gay channeler. An atheist who practices principles. A Buddhist. An Indian (not sure what title she was given but she was a heavy women missing many teeth who exudes joy, deep laughter, and profound wisdom).

This love. I feel it now, thinking of you, as I write this. You are who I hold in my mind, as I write this, because you love and understand me. Those others may laugh, or scoff or judge (fill in your blanks) just as I have at things my mind dismissed as folly. Anyway, we all go on living our choices. Except….

For some, you will feel love as you read this and it will matter for you today. This message is for you, for us, and maybe for them (someday or never); it’s often a mystery.

Love is never a stranger unless you want it to be.

I know you. You know me. Our stories are interwoven, for we are both here, on this planet, in this matrix, sharing this space, in this time, and in this history. So why do some see it this way, and some that way? Perhaps because we want to? (We fill in our blanks here too).

I need healing and love now. I have taken on too much, for far too long, pushed too hard and rested too little.

My body is giving way to that which is not joy. I may seem like a slow learner. Perhaps I am. Perhaps I’m a fast learner and zipping through lessons at break neck pace? Maybe my wounds are very deep? Perhaps my childhood obscured clarity, despite my very strong inner guidance that set me on a quest early on? Perhaps I just like lots and lots of reasearch and data and I’m patient zero?

Like how can I know how to heal if I’ve never been sick? How do I understand loss unless I’ve felt it. I wanted to experience for myself, and questioned everything, because through my young eyes, life in the matrix looked Fu$ked up.

My social programming, observed by watching what others lusted after, from a very young age was anneroxia is beauty, money makes you “better” than everyone else, so the more you have, the “better you are”, kindness was for nerds and push overs, or dead saints, or something you did when you felt like crap and wanted to feel better or less guilty. Image was all that mattered. Keep up appearances at all cost. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. Everyone does it. If they screw you, screw them back ten times harder. Make sure you crush them or leave them for dead. And it’s always about sex.

The religious influence said if you do these things you are evil and will go to hell. So the “heathens” doing the screwed up stuff, nasal gazed down on the lowly poor people who made them rich, and the religious influencers nasal gazed down at the heathens, whilst kissing their ring of wealth.

How one learns the art of bowing to kiss the ring, while silmutaneously feeling superior, as they are cashing the checks made on the backs of the good folks, cracked open the lunacy of it all.

It was all so hostile, and perverse, and distorted, from what my inner essence felt. I wanted to take my own life by age 12, because I truly felt dropped off on the wrong planet, and in the wrong matrix. Man it was painful and so confusing to watch all this. I felt ok, but the message I kept hearing is you are not ok. You are what’s wrong. You are too sensitive. You are too naive.

What I witnessed, was everyone made each other miserable, while keeping up false appearances, of how great and successful they were.

Meanwhile, honest work, doing something for the sheer passion and joy of it, and living a life of kindness, was for fools and idiots. A complete waste of time…. unless it was for your image, a photo-op or an in for more of what you want from them.

I’ve always enjoyed the experience, and challenge, of expanding and opening my mind, and considering all sides, even if I didn’t understand them.

Sometimes comments or ideas hit home runs in my thinking mind. Only years, or decades, later did the aha moment of understanding, and putting the idea into practice grow roots.

So to you, I send the gift of healing and love.

Whatever frightens you, you will be ok. If you believe in God, then see me as a student.

If you believe in consciousness then see me as a fellow seeker.

If you are unsure in what you believe then believe in this moment; this message is for you to simply consider how it would feel to believe or be reminded that:

You are love. You are joy. You are creative.

We have everything we need and we will be ok. We have made it this far! So it’s a messy path behind us. All creation looks a bit messy (that’s why we pay to detail our yards, dryclean out the wrinkles, wash the car.) We also see the beauty in the wild and the raw do we not?

None of this may feel true for you. Then, this message is not for you. Carry on and be well my friend!

I read many messages that are not for me. I find them interesting. I like to reflect on what they trigger within me and why. This is my path to understanding.

I do not know your path and I wish you all the love, support and success on any path that leads you to joy and feeling loved.

The world is beautiful when I think this way. I keep redirecting my thoughts to this way of thinking.

They drift into worry and fear. Sometimes I am tired, or terrified, and get stuck in old thought patterns (in my old story).

Then I am reminded of what suffering and misery feel like. So I choose love. It feels much better. I live in joy more often each day as I continue to practice.

It has been hard work. There have been many obstacles. There have been times when I am tired. I am tired now.

Thank you for loving me when I forget who I really am or who you really are. Thank you for loving me now. It gives me strength.

I also love you. It’s ok to be tired. This is a long journey for each of us. We must each learn to rest when we are tired. In today’s modern world this requires much focus and discipline.

We can find small things each day. Decide to let go of attachment when it brings us suffering. To sit quietly and find joy in the sun, the tree or even the smile of a stranger. To enjoy someone else’s success or vision or beauty of their creation. (Fill in the blank).

It is there, all around us, if we want to believe. If we want to see it. Misery, suffering, hate…. they are also there. Do I want to live in those dark spaces and add darkness to them with my pain, my judgments or my attacks?

Or do I wish to smile because I can. To forgive because it brings me peace. To feel joy because that can bring relief. These are personal choices.

I want to bring more joy into the world. So I will. I am tired and so I will rest. I forgive you because it sets me free. I love you because I can. This is my story. Will you write yours? Have you already? How far have you come? Where would you like to go?

(fill in the blank) for that is where all our micro decisions are made!

 

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