People often ask how they can shift their life. There are probably as many ways to create a shift, as there are people on the planet. In all these variations, one thing seems to be constant, the ability to look at things in a different way.
Being Aware of Self Dialogue
Just yesterday I met with a dear friend and we were discussing negative self dialogue. You might relate, it’s the voice that whispers those familiar messages full of fear and self doubt. My dear friend calls this voice Bob.
Bob, delivers the messages that cause us to be anxious or depressed when we start to tune into Bob. What’s even worse is when my mind tunes into Bob, and then starts to judge self for the thoughts Bob is having. So I have a negative thought, and then feel even worse about the fact that I think that way to begin with! EXHAUSTING.
What about those small and seemingly benign thoughts that turn into a nuclear bomb? Those thoughts that start to rev up the internal heat once they begin. Small things like “this laundry sucks, a load a day and I’m tired, tired, tired of doing it.” Then that thought triggers “it’s clean and folded and still not put away. RUDE. Look at all this crap laying around, am I the only one not allergic to dirty clothes?” To a final eruption about how “if they loved me they would not do this to me or if they cared, or if they weren’t so lazy or if we could afford a maid or I’m a bad parent for giving them a maid because they have no work ethic now, or why do I always do this, just leave it, no I can’t, yes you can, no it’s just easier to do it.” Funny right?
Not so funny when it leads to the pity pot, depression, anxiety, irritation, frustration or all the above. Even less funny, when we react from this place. When we spew all those emotions onto someone else who has no idea why a load of laundry turned into a tirade.
It all began, it all started with my thoughts!
At some point, we get to the point, where we are just simply done. A change must happen. Our minds may scream “FU&K YOU I’m not listening to this crap anymore” as we puff with pride, anger, determination and/or warrior strength to push past the fear and JUST DO IT.
My last blog talked about the importance of owning our anger and how it can help us get shit done! Anger can gives us the strength to leave that job, decide the kids are old enough to do their own laundry or hire a service, send that crappy partner packing or finally tackle that daunting project we’ve been getting heat about.
It occurred to me though, that living in a state of anger to get things done, was making me ill. I wanted to push through fear with love, and learn a new state of being.
The challenge was I had no idea who I was without my anger. Who am I without this voice of fears? Who am I without these repetitive thought patterns? Sure they feel bad, but they are familiar. Some of these thoughts have been with me since I can first remember even having thoughts. A life without these thoughts felt terrifying. A life repeating these exhausting thought patterns seemed even more cruel. This conundrum sparked the courage of change. The first step was being aware of the self dialogue. Now my mind pondered what did the second step look like and how was that even possible?
Create A New Storyline
Recently another dear friend opened up an old idea in a fresh way. She was listening to me to verbally purge about some inconvenient circumstances. The overwhelming feeling was that of exhaustion. You might relate to that feeling where you are so sick and tired, of being sick and tired of a situation, and it’s hard to see a finish line; if one even exists!
Her suggestion was to consider what was going on as a GIFT! “WTF, FU, NO WAY, GIVE ME A BREAK, THAT’S TOTALLY F&CKING ABSURD, WHACK JOB BS, WHO DOES DUMB SH%T LIKE THAT” my thinking mind is screaming.
As I continue to smile outwardly, earnestly asking my intuition to step in, and also thanking my thinking mind for sharing, she continues. Notice I thanked my thinking mind for sharing, so I was already doing this practice! I already tell my BOB thank you for sharing without judgment of my thoughts, and that enables me to continue to sit still with an open mind, even when an idea or concept seem intellectually FU&King NUTS~!
She shares she was diagnosed with cancer. The same cancer her mother had. The same cancer her mother had to get treated for once, twice and finally a third time before it was eradicated. Her mother suffered tremendously. The treatments were brutal. The suffering of thinking she was healed, it coming back, the idea of going through it all over were almost more than she could bare. She did it. Then she did it. Then she did it again. However, after watching her mothers suffering, this was just not an option for my friend.
She is well versed in herbal, crystal and energy healing. That is why I go see her and recently signed up for a class with her. I have been struggling with a chronic condition that I too wanted to heal without more surgeries. In fact, she is the person who opened the door to herbs. Herbs combined with a radical change in my eating, cured my candida east, repaired my gut and healed my body of diverticulitis.
I was told my case was severe enough, once my intestine had a hole, the only cure would be surgery (by cutting out the weak area of the colon and reattaching the good bits). Post-op means carrying around a colonoscopy bag until my body healed.
Again, my thinking mind was very active, about what a totally unfair and Shi%ty situation this was. Again, I offered thanks for those thoughts, purged them by verbally ranting (a necessary step in my healing), and then started to do some research.
Healing a leaky gut is RADICAL and could take years; with a total PhD level of research in learning what to eat, how to eat it, what not to eat, blood work, medicinal herbs (that taste horrific), some immune boosters that taste like swamp ass, no caffeine, no sugar, nothing processed, no dairy, and all grains and nuts must be soaked and/or fermented before eating them. Can you imagine? I could not. Yet, one day at a time, I grew and learned. The diet shifted. Changes were made and embraced. After years, the body is still healing and can easily go into relapse without mindful care.
I started to apply ‘this is a gift’ to other situations. During a deep meditation, I imagined one character to be my son. Imagining a person, the thinking mind labels an enemy, for his repeated and ongoing brutal attacks, as a son, is no easy task. I did it. Now when I think of him, and see him as a son, I am able to thank him. I changed the story line. The story line is he is my son, and I am teaching him how to stand up to his father. His father uses him and always has, exposing him to horrific acts of violence perpetuated on himself and others. The gift for me is seeing that his perceived attacks have served my higher learning. I feel a heart felt desire to write him a thank you letter. My heart wants to let him know that his actions caused such a radical disruption in our lives, that I’ve discovered an entirely new way to live and to think about life.
Now when this comes up my mind says thank you. Thank you for reminding me my commitment is to a state of joy. Do I choose to let this one new piece of date rob me of that joy? Or, do I choose to see this event as a gift, challenging me to see how far I can grow? If we want to get in physical shape, then how do we know what we are capable of unless we keep increasing our intensity? Each new goal is a challenge, and when we smash it, do we not find new found confidence in our body?
Our mind, like our body, can be reconditioned. The neurological pathways, can still be rerouted if that is our choice. First, we must be aware of what paths our thinking currently takes. Second, we need to be willing to forge new pathways by shifting our thoughts and creating a new story line. Finally, we can start to see that all life’s challenges are a gift to push us to expand our consciousness. This is only a story my mind has conjured that brings me joy. This is my story line, and few brave women, open to the this same path. It’s all in our imagination, so we can choose any story line that brings us joy – the point is CHOOSE! Don’t let the mind chatter run idly in the background and live in repetitive thought patterns without awareness. Tune into thought. Embrace the anger. Imagine a new way of thinking to replace old loops. In this new story line all things are possible.